How to communicate with your partner without it turning into WWE SMACKDOWN!

How to communicate with your partner without it turning into WWE SMACKDOWN!

Relationships will bring on disagreements no matter if you have been together for one year or 55 years.  When two people do not see eye to eye on a situation, there can be miscommunication or what I would like to say yelling and screaming.  It would be great to say that I adore my husband everyday of the week but realistically he sometimes knows how to push my buttons to make me go bananas.  Many people have asked what to do in a relationship to keep disagreements from getting to a yelling and screaming match.

Step 1.

Realize that everyone does not think or believe the way you do.  People’s beliefs are based on their prior experiences.  Even though you may not agree with your spouse’s outlook that does not mean that you can demean their opinions.  Sometimes you will have to agree to disagree and be okay with not agreeing on every situation.

Step 2. 

Step back from the situation and allow each other to cool off.  Sometimes disagreements can get out of control.   It is not always necessary to HAVE to prove your point all the time.  Sometimes it is best to stop the conversations before unnecessary things are expressed.

Step 3.

DON’T FIGHT DIRTY.  Sometimes it is easy to through a low blow by saying something that you know will set your partner off or hurt their feelings.  Remember that once something is said, you cannot take it back.  It is not good to be mean just because you feel that is the only way for you to be heard.  Do not allow your emotions take over the situation.

Step 4

Practice active listening to each other.  Active listening may include asking questions or restating what was heard to assure that the intent of the message was correctly received.  Sometimes we perceive the wrong message, so repeating what they say in a non sarcastic manner will help the conversation remain calm.  Your spouse will respect the fact that you are not turning their words around to prove your point.

Step 5

Be willing to compromise.  You do not have to get your way on EVERY situation.  When your spouse understands that you are willing to compromise on some issues, they will be willing to compromise as well when something is important to you.

For Example:  For our wedding anniversary, I really wanted to go to Las Vegas.  I never been there and my husband knew that I wanted to go to Vegas for years.  However, my husband has been to Las Vegas and he does not like to fly.  Las Vegas is a 3.5 hour flight.  He wanted to go to Florida and hang out on the beach.  Florida is a 1 hour flight.   I have been to Florida so many times I have lost count, but instead of yelling and screaming and trying to always get my way, I compromised and went to Florida.  The important issue was that we were together on our anniversary.

Reminder:  Communication is not a yelling and screaming match.  Communication is being able to effective express yourself without demeaning each other.  Remember the following:

  1. Everyone does not think the way you do
  2. Step back from the situation
  3. Don’t fight dirty
  4. Practice Active listening.
  5. Be willing to compromise

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